a black girl

It began with a clap

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Today, a beautiful torrential rainstorm showed herself to me and all of the DC Metro area.

I hadn't gotten one since my life in Atlanta. I hadn't realized how much I missed them. How the energy is all woman, all powerful, all awe inspiring.

She began with a clap.

As if to say, "Sister, you have been in the house all day for three days. Have not enjoyed the hot weather you've prayed for. The sun on your face and back. You have not sat to witness the beauty of a day." My living room darkened.

So I stopped.

I stopped from my cleaning and CD playing. I turned everything down. Put the screensaver on the laptop (which happens to be a storm simulation) and sat in the big momma chair by the window to witness.

Would you think I am odd if I could sense the whole weight of her body moving across the sky?

It was at her belly at which I realized the storm was passing. As Nia hopped onto mine, I thanked her (the storm that is). Breathed deeply and watched my living room illuminate.

The thing about torrential rainstorms is that you *know* they will pass. You can hear it, feel it. The violence of them, the unpredictability.

Now I'm no priestess of any spiritual system, but I wanted to give her a name. I know in Ifá there is Oya, who is known for her unpredictability, change, but in winds. Her husband Shango is known for lightening, thunder and the like...

Yaweh, Jehova, too masculinized, to general for the very specific-ness of this storm's presence.

Again... I'm no priestess, but this storm was a sista. And it has nothing to do with the unpredictability of a woman. There was a way in which we communed which was much like the way I talk with many women. Especially ones a little older than me--very real, but deep in reverence.

When she clapped it was very much the way I hear my mother's voice call before she has uttered anything. I knew she was here before she came. And I knew she had a bone to pick... with me.

I'm learning to listen. Before the clap.

Labels: gender, religion, spirituality, summer, weather

uttered by a black girl at 3:41 PM. | 0 comments

. . . . . . I Am

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

"And I know God personally/In fact she lets me call her me"
-Saul WIlliams

I've gotten into the practice of calling many of the people I meet, and friends "Gods." I've decided to do this because it has an incredible effect on me. I do it so that I may recognize the divine in folks I meet. It allows me to remember how God, the divine spirit is every human. We are the manifest of divinity. And while this practice has allowed me to recognize the divine in others, it also forces me to mirror that which I see. It reminds me that I am, in fact, divine, all powerful god/dess right here on earth. Its a whole feeling honoring people in this way. It is also frightening.

It is frightening because being a God and all means I do have power. And the most frightening thing other than being powerless is being all powerful. Facing my divinity has also been a reality check about my choices. Do I choose to be depressed? Do I choose to not honor my body? Do I choose to be frustrated? Et cetera. The answer is an unequivocated yes. And while this here revolutionary does not pretend as though there are not *other* powerful forces which influence my Blackgirl life, I must honor and recognize the God within me that is more powerful then even THAT. (WHAAAATTTT?!)

I need this practice. I need to say this now because today I am faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life thus far. I have exactly 17 days from this day to make that decision and its hard. Its hard because being a God and all... I have to face that whatever decision I make IS THE RIGHT ONE. Because there is no beginning or end to this life eternal. In fact, if I tap into my eternity deep enough, my human self can remember what the decision I will make WAS. (WHAAAAAT?!) But in being all powerful and what not... I also have to remember that my divine ass HAS THE RIGHT TO RENIG ON THAT DECISION! (WHAAAAT?!)

Amazing, this divinity. Its sublime-scary-liberating. Yeah God, all of that.

Even in this moment of going back and forth about this decision I am having this conversation with my trinity:

Be, you have to be stable, what about money?
WOMan... I invented money. I created the cotton, ink, paper and process that creates green backs.
Be, you don't have enough time if you pick this option.
Notice how "daylight savings" was early this year. This goes to show you that time is an earthly concept. God is eternity. We are beyond time. In fact, what we're doing we've already done. That is what eternity is.
Be, what about your art?
God = Creator. Enough said.

And this shit applies to every one of my human struggles:

off topic though Be... what about love?
I Am. (For those of you who paid attention in sunday school imma say it again.)
I Am.

Blessed Be.

Labels: friends, spirituality

uttered by a black girl at 5:25 PM. | 1 comments

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